7.5" cock with a firestarter attached to it. we don't have to talk if you'd rather just suck it.
My Future Plans
staying alive.
My Talents
i can skin anything in under 5 minutes. i can take apart an UZI and put it back together in the dark. you can't kill me.
and i play guitar.
Favorite Books, Movies, Music, and Food
favorite author: ayn rand favorite movie: snowpiercer favorite band: sisters of mercy favorite food: pork lo mein
My Ideal Partner
warm body (warmth optional) who's dtf 24/7 and doesn't ask stupid questions.
Height
5'11"
Body Type
athletic
Smokes
constantly
Drinks
constantly
Drugs
frequently
Sign
capricorn
Education
homeschooled
Occupation
data broker
Income
not your problem
Children
not your problem
Pets
crusher (dog)
Hobbies
activism, drinking, sex
[ Dodger really brings out a side of Alan that usually only came out around his brother and cousins when he was a kid. Not just manhandling, but roughhousing. A little. ]
What, they weren't fucking you? I figured schools were supposed to be fun like that.
[What does he mean by that... well, might be hard to question him, because Dodger is just teleporting into that room. And finding a perch sitting on one of the tables, despite there being multiple chairs to sit in.]
[ That's a pity. He'll miss out on Alan's cheeks getting a flush, for a moment, as he remembers Tseng putting on the role of professor and bending him over a desk not too long ago.
Teacher and student is a common enough fantasy that he doesn't give Dodger's comment much thought, in any case. When he joins Dodger inside the room a minute later, the blush is fading from his cheeks and only lingering at the tips of his ears, hard to spot under his curls. He gives Dodger a look of mingled amusement and disapproval and goes to take an armchair. ]
When you're done with "The Soul of Man," you might like "The Ballad of Reading Gaol." --Actually, [ he corrects himself, abruptly, ] I don't know that you should try it. Seems like if anything Wilde wrote would you give you one of your memory spells, it'd be that.
[Dodger can see a little while he's teleporting - enough to see a bit of color on Alan, but he figures it's just because he and Alan share a lot of the same interests. No thoughts past that, except a bit of satisfaction at flustering the other man.]
Well, let's give this a crack first. If it's decent, then... I'unno, you can read that to me so I don't get blood all over the book.
[He doesn't mind getting a memory-bleed if it's for a good reason, and learning more about other versions of himself tends to be worth it. If nothing else, he'll learn more triggers to avoid when he's trying to keep his head on straight.
He opens to the right page, though, and starts reading. He's a fast reader, and as much as he'd love to come off as a dumb brute, he finds it very easy to disappear into books. And while he's skeptical at first... it isn't long before Dodger's eyes are lighting up with interest. The words speak to him, fill in the cracks where Rand's philosophy has left him wanting. And maybe, just maybe, something is shifting about his own thinking.]
[ Not so on the other side of the room, where Alan picks up Rand again and is very quickly scowling at the page. He does manage to keep his ire quiet, at least, though his facial expressions are loud.
[Dodger picks his head up, and... goes to answer, but his brow furrows a bit. It takes him a moment to sort through his thoughts.]
He's a character from one of her books. I haven't been able to read it, I get full reality-shifts when I try. Worse than memory-bleeds. My whole body changes into something else, I get... more memories of that city under the ocean.
[Nothing in the pages felt familiar when he tried, so he can't be sure exactly what the connection is there. Just that it is.]
But he's a... symbol, of objectivist revolution. The platonic ideal of a Great Man, someone who operates on a level above common men and parasites. And there's a phrase I picked up from the book, 'who is John Galt', it means... don't ask questions you don't want the answers to.
[The uncertainty is clear on his face - he's trying his best to sound like an authority on the matter anyway, but he only barely knows what he's talking about.]
Sure. No one else was really writing about her shit, she probably didn't have anyone else to quote.
[Ignoring that... what he's currently reading probably would have bolstered her arguments. The past was weird, who knows how readily available information was pre-internet. Certainly not Dodger.]
...The Christ shit in here actually isn't that bad. He's got a point.
[It still paints Dodger poorly, mostly for his violent and vengeful tendencies, but no worse than objectivism would. And he finds it a lot easier to see himself as someone rebelling because of the position he was put into, rather than someone failing to think for himself because he's inherently inferior. A poor man who is ungrateful, unthrifty, discontented, and rebellious, is probably a real personality, and has much in him. That's still rotating in his mind, several pages later.]
This bit - 'Above all things, they are not to interfere with other people or judge them in any way. A man cannot always be estimated by what he does. He may keep the law, and yet be worthless. He may break the law, and yet be fine. He may be bad, without ever doing anything bad. He may commit a sin against society, and yet realise through that sin his true perfection.'
[He chews his cheek, wavering a little bit on whether to explain what's speaking to him about it, or how much to say. And after some thought, he ends up only testing the waters.]
...He's arguing that Jesus wouldn't use laws or commandments as a metric for someone's worth. Because you can sin or break laws and still be in the right for what you did. Am I reading that right?
[ Slowly, thoughtfully: ] Yes. I think so. Or even if you're in the wrong, it isn't what defines your worth.
[ It is, of course, hard for him not to think about the phrase a sin against society, and what it was that sent Wilde to prison. The love that dare not speak its name. The sin of sodomy is, in Alan's mind, probably the least of the ones he's committed -- theft and betrayal are much greater -- but it might well be the one that brings him closest to his true perfection. ]
And the opposite, too. A man can follow every law to the letter and still be bad.
[Dodger hesitates a little longer, mulling it over. The sin of sodomy doesn't really occur to him - it's a concept he had pushed on him when he was younger, but not something he's ever really had to worry about in his day-to-day life. Most people who cared only cared that he was a bottom, not that he was gay in the first place.
His mind is moving to greater sins against society.]
Do you think killing someone affects your worth? And do you think it matters if killing them made the world better or worse?
... I have to think it matters, [ he says, after a minute, voice low and careful. ]
I can't think that it's usually very simple to calculate that sort of thing, though.
[ These days, he loses little sleep over killing Joe Morris -- little enough that when he catalogs the sins of his life, that one ranks about as high as sodomy. It hasn't always been like that, though. And even now, removed from the event by more than a year, for all that he wouldn't wish for any of the bastards who died on the night of the equinox to come back to life, he knows it isn't as simple as saying their deaths made the world better. ]
[Dodger places his makeshift bookmark back in and sets the book aside, so he can pull out his cigarettes and just flip the pack idly in his hand. He doesn't like smoking around books, but... not much he can do about it, he needs to smoke.]
It's easier to calculate with some people.
[He stops his hand, and pulls out a cigarette to light it.]
I'm not going to argue that everything I've done is right. Most of it isn't. But I think... if someone is making life worse for other people, and they enjoy that, and there's no reason to think they'll change, then killing them isn't wrong.
[He sort of includes himself in that category. Dodger's mentioned before, to other people, that he doesn't see anything wrong with killing him. Esikko had to set up boundaries to stop Dodger from chasing death and now that they've had a falling out he doesn't see a good reason not to.]
I mean, it's got to be better than killing someone who was helping others. Someone who makes life easier to bear.
[ Alan nods, his mouth twisting to one side a little. ]
Easier with some.
It probably shouldn't be easy to calculate. But if you have to, that's got to be part of it. Whether their life harms more people or helps more people.
I don't know. I hope I never have to make that calculation again.
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Oh, good, you've heard of him. He's got an essay I want to find for you. "The Soul of Man."
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[He's downplaying it, but it has been a while since he read anything classic. This essay does have his interest, though.]
...Do you think you can change my mind about things, or what?
[His tone is neutral. He's open to new information, even if he has his doubts.]
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[ He finds the page, pulls a notebook out of his pocket, and tears out a sheet to use as a makeshift bookmark before holding it out to Dodger. ]
Besides, he actually agrees with you and your Rand. He's all about individualism. You can ignore all the Christ bits if you want.
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But he can't think of one, so he relaxes.]
Is a blowjob on the table while I'm expanding my worldview?
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What's in it for me?
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I'll return the favor when you get back to reading Rand.
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And you have the balls to call me a slut.
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You are a slut, but you're in good company.
[He nods his head toward the nearest private room.]
Let's go find somewhere comfortable.
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You do sound like my schoolmasters. Aside from the propositioning. They fobbed me off with books to shut me up.
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[What does he mean by that... well, might be hard to question him, because Dodger is just teleporting into that room. And finding a perch sitting on one of the tables, despite there being multiple chairs to sit in.]
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Teacher and student is a common enough fantasy that he doesn't give Dodger's comment much thought, in any case. When he joins Dodger inside the room a minute later, the blush is fading from his cheeks and only lingering at the tips of his ears, hard to spot under his curls. He gives Dodger a look of mingled amusement and disapproval and goes to take an armchair. ]
When you're done with "The Soul of Man," you might like "The Ballad of Reading Gaol." --Actually, [ he corrects himself, abruptly, ] I don't know that you should try it. Seems like if anything Wilde wrote would you give you one of your memory spells, it'd be that.
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Well, let's give this a crack first. If it's decent, then... I'unno, you can read that to me so I don't get blood all over the book.
[He doesn't mind getting a memory-bleed if it's for a good reason, and learning more about other versions of himself tends to be worth it. If nothing else, he'll learn more triggers to avoid when he's trying to keep his head on straight.
He opens to the right page, though, and starts reading. He's a fast reader, and as much as he'd love to come off as a dumb brute, he finds it very easy to disappear into books. And while he's skeptical at first... it isn't long before Dodger's eyes are lighting up with interest. The words speak to him, fill in the cracks where Rand's philosophy has left him wanting. And maybe, just maybe, something is shifting about his own thinking.]
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Finally, though, he huffs and asks: ]
Who on Earth is this Galt?
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He's a character from one of her books. I haven't been able to read it, I get full reality-shifts when I try. Worse than memory-bleeds. My whole body changes into something else, I get... more memories of that city under the ocean.
[Nothing in the pages felt familiar when he tried, so he can't be sure exactly what the connection is there. Just that it is.]
But he's a... symbol, of objectivist revolution. The platonic ideal of a Great Man, someone who operates on a level above common men and parasites. And there's a phrase I picked up from the book, 'who is John Galt', it means... don't ask questions you don't want the answers to.
[The uncertainty is clear on his face - he's trying his best to sound like an authority on the matter anyway, but he only barely knows what he's talking about.]
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[ To be fair Alan should probably slow his roll; Engels references his own prior work, too. ]
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[Ignoring that... what he's currently reading probably would have bolstered her arguments. The past was weird, who knows how readily available information was pre-internet. Certainly not Dodger.]
...The Christ shit in here actually isn't that bad. He's got a point.
[It still paints Dodger poorly, mostly for his violent and vengeful tendencies, but no worse than objectivism would. And he finds it a lot easier to see himself as someone rebelling because of the position he was put into, rather than someone failing to think for himself because he's inherently inferior. A poor man who is ungrateful, unthrifty, discontented, and rebellious, is probably a real personality, and has much in him. That's still rotating in his mind, several pages later.]
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Better than a lot of vicars, I'd say. Which bit?
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[He chews his cheek, wavering a little bit on whether to explain what's speaking to him about it, or how much to say. And after some thought, he ends up only testing the waters.]
...He's arguing that Jesus wouldn't use laws or commandments as a metric for someone's worth. Because you can sin or break laws and still be in the right for what you did. Am I reading that right?
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[ It is, of course, hard for him not to think about the phrase a sin against society, and what it was that sent Wilde to prison. The love that dare not speak its name. The sin of sodomy is, in Alan's mind, probably the least of the ones he's committed -- theft and betrayal are much greater -- but it might well be the one that brings him closest to his true perfection. ]
And the opposite, too. A man can follow every law to the letter and still be bad.
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His mind is moving to greater sins against society.]
Do you think killing someone affects your worth? And do you think it matters if killing them made the world better or worse?
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And then there's that. ]
... I have to think it matters, [ he says, after a minute, voice low and careful. ]
I can't think that it's usually very simple to calculate that sort of thing, though.
[ These days, he loses little sleep over killing Joe Morris -- little enough that when he catalogs the sins of his life, that one ranks about as high as sodomy. It hasn't always been like that, though. And even now, removed from the event by more than a year, for all that he wouldn't wish for any of the bastards who died on the night of the equinox to come back to life, he knows it isn't as simple as saying their deaths made the world better. ]
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It's easier to calculate with some people.
[He stops his hand, and pulls out a cigarette to light it.]
I'm not going to argue that everything I've done is right. Most of it isn't. But I think... if someone is making life worse for other people, and they enjoy that, and there's no reason to think they'll change, then killing them isn't wrong.
[He sort of includes himself in that category. Dodger's mentioned before, to other people, that he doesn't see anything wrong with killing him. Esikko had to set up boundaries to stop Dodger from chasing death and now that they've had a falling out he doesn't see a good reason not to.]
I mean, it's got to be better than killing someone who was helping others. Someone who makes life easier to bear.
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Easier with some.
It probably shouldn't be easy to calculate. But if you have to, that's got to be part of it. Whether their life harms more people or helps more people.
I don't know. I hope I never have to make that calculation again.
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cw: SA mention
cw: as above
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cw: violent imagery, homelessness, parental death
cw continues
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religion and politics time but only in narration, maybe
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