7.5" cock with a firestarter attached to it. we don't have to talk if you'd rather just suck it.
My Future Plans
staying alive.
My Talents
i can skin anything in under 5 minutes. i can take apart an UZI and put it back together in the dark. you can't kill me.
and i play guitar.
Favorite Books, Movies, Music, and Food
favorite author: ayn rand favorite movie: snowpiercer favorite band: sisters of mercy favorite food: pork lo mein
My Ideal Partner
warm body (warmth optional) who's dtf 24/7 and doesn't ask stupid questions.
Height
5'11"
Body Type
athletic
Smokes
constantly
Drinks
constantly
Drugs
frequently
Sign
capricorn
Education
homeschooled
Occupation
data broker
Income
not your problem
Children
not your problem
Pets
crusher (dog)
Hobbies
activism, drinking, sex
[It's a two-in-one deal. One, he gets to hear more about Dodger, and try to help him find a slightly healthier way to cope with his issues. Two, Viktor would be pleased with him for helping Dodger. Not that he doesn't want to do this on a personal level, but he also wants his good boy points.]
so getting a blowjob for good behavior is also off the table, huh.
fine, we'll do it your way. see you then.
[Honestly, he would rather meet up sooner, but he figures there's a reason this has to wait. So he's just going to be antsy for the rest of the day, until it's time for them to meet up. The resort never seems to have quite enough to do to keep his thoughts quiet, but he'll manage.
The next day, when he shows up to one of the private rooms in the library, he's... mostly sober. As much as he can be, comfortably. He's still got alcohol in his system and he's pretty sure the heroin is non-negotiable, but he's not visibly drunk or high. He is, however, currently smoking when he teleports in.]
[It's as much of a private spot one can get in a library setting. There's a decent couch, a few chairs, and a coffee table with a few books stacked on it already; notably, all ones on therapy. Jayce had been reading up as much as he could in a day, as well as putting together an outfit that didn't look like loungewear or gym clothes. As Dodger teleports in, Jayce gets to his feet (as is polite to do) and gestures to the couch.]
[Dodger's gaze first focuses on Jayce, obviously checking him out - he can appreciate nice outfits, even if he tends to dress the same no matter what he's doing. Then it slides over to the books on the table, and his brow furrows. He sort of figured this is where they were headed, but he doesn't have to like it.
At the same time, the reason he'd denied any suggestions about therapy back home was to avoid mandatory reporters. Something that couldn't matter less here. So even if he has some opinions about it, it's not enough to turn around and leave.]
I really wish people would stop trying to psychoanalyze me.
[But he sighs, and teleports again to sit on the couch.]
I don't make a habit of backing out of shit I sign up for. So, I'm here.
Can’t say I’m not going to be one of those people, since that’s literally what I’ve been studying, but…
[He takes a seat down in an armchair near the couch, hands folded on his lap.]
The goal is to make you feel better handling yourself in the future, in ways that are easier and healthier for you, that don’t involve shutting down, lashing out, or running away.
[Which he knows: easier said than done.]
So far, you've noted that you've managed to catch yourself just before you have those stronger reactions. That's a good start. Are you always able to stop yourself, or is this a recent thing?
[Jayce is doing a good job, at least, of selling the image of a therapist Dodger's always had in his head. It makes him let out a little snort of amusement, while he gets settled.]
It's a new thing. Actually... the thing with Viktor wasn't the first time, but... there's only one other person I've been able to catch myself with. And he's here, too.
[Granted, there's people who can put him in his place themselves and people he doesn't feel any urge to lash out around. But those aren't the problem, in his mind.]
[All Jayce had to go off of was stereotypical therapist imagery and porn videos that show overly sexual therapists, so... he's filling the part as best he can, for someone who's never been to a therapist himself, ironically.]
And this other person upset you to the same degree Viktor did?
[He won't ask for a name, since the identity doesn't really matter... yet.]
Maybe not the same degree. But he pisses me off sometimes.
[Despite that, there's something in his tone that betrays this is someone who means a lot to him. Dodger is terrible at masking how much he cares about the people he's close to, and Esikko is maybe the only person he's closer to than Viktor here. He met them both on his first day here, after all.]
He makes me think of the same person sometimes. Arzial, the man with Viktor's powers. It's the same...
[His brow knits.]
...Thinking about someone getting inside my head, and changing shit, makes me see red.
[Sometimes Jayce can pick up on emotional nuance. Sometimes. If he's locked in (which he is) and if it's not about him (which this isn't), he's able to take that step back from his own emotions and rationalize what's going on-- read between the lines a little of what Dodger's implying.
Written down in his notes: More affected by perceived breaches in trust by people he cares about.]
Does he do it on purpose, and does he have the capacity to do it supernaturally?
He does it on purpose, yeah. He's got magic - it works different from anything I'm used to, but I've got a sense of how it works. Sort of.
[He sinks back into the couch with a huff.]
This is important for context, but don't- tell anyone else about it. Including Viktor. [He's pretty sure that's how therapy works anyway but STILL.] He fucked with my best friend's memories. Months ago, before we showed up. I found out and... that's the last time I got close to hurting him. It pissed me off that he did it, and it pissed me off that he could've done it to me too. And I didn't clock it sooner.
[As if there's anything to clock. Still, he holds himself accountable for letting two people close now that share powers with the only person he's ever been truly afraid of.]
[Jayce pays attention, putting his pencil down to show he’s not taking notes on this directly as he listens.]
You’re blaming yourself for something you had no control over. Even if he did do something to you, it’s not your fault if someone else hurts you.
[The words leave Jayce before he really has time to reflect on what he’s saying, and he bites the inside of his cheek when he really considers his own words.]
But it does put into perspective why you have strong reactions if you think you’re in danger of that happening again. The fear of that potential hurt overrides logic, and you’d rather overreact than underreact. Does that sound right?
If you see a punch aimed at your face, it is your fault if you don't do anything to stop it.
[At least he's consistent, since he also figures it's everyone else's fault if they don't stop Dodger himself from hurting them.
That second part gives him pause, and he has to chew on it for a while before he answers. He's chafing a little against the idea of being 'afraid', but it's.. accurate. Fear has a strangle-hold on him at the best of times.]
Sure. Sounds right. It's just not always...
[He hesitates.]
...Sometimes my body just takes over. Does whatever it needs to, to stay alive. Even if that means hurting someone, or killing them, or breaking shit to get it out of my way. And sometimes when I get pissed off, it feels like it's doing that. But... smaller, if that makes sense.
[He picks up his pencil again to jot down: Victim-blaming might be a recurring issue. What Dodger’s describing sounds exactly like something he read, and so he has to flip through a few pages of earlier notes he took to find what he’s looking for.]
Okay, here— what you’re describing is a “stress” or “trauma” response. There’s four categories— fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Usually, you’ll have more than just emotions like being pissed off that you’re combating, but physical reactions too. Do you find yourself sweating, tense, with an increased heart rate? Sometimes this can even combine with memory loss.
[If he’s right about that, then this is leading toward a pretty obvious conclusion: PTSD. But just analyzing what someone has and slapping down a diagnosis isn’t helpful. He’s got to get Dodger to come to the same conclusion as well.]
[The longer Jayce speaks the more his expression softens.
Yes, he's definitely familiar with that. The way his body locks up when someone touches his ass or pins him onto his back, or too many people press around him in a crowd. The way he breaks into a sweat if he's in his room and hears something that sounds too much like his door opening.]
Sure. My powers act up with those, too. I used to teleport without meaning to, I still turn invisible if something spooks me. And my fire gets harder to control if I'm stressed, or... I guess you'd call it a 'fight' response.
[He doesn't have the words for it exactly, but his mutations are pretty much exaggerated stress responses. Fire to fight, teleportation to flee, invisibility to freeze. Each of those responses makes it easier to access his powers and, at the same time, much harder to control them.]
The memory thing's tricky, though. My memory's a crap shoot - sometimes I can't remember shit I just did, sometimes I've got more memories than I'm supposed to have.
[Exactly that gets noted, the correlation between what power is used, and how it’s being used in response to stress. The memory part though, that’s a little odd, and not really falling in line with what he’s learned of PTSD…]
That last part— we’ll uh, come back to that one.
[He flips another page, and bites at the end of his pencil.]
The things that trigger your stress responses, does it always come back to Arzial?
Not all of it. But... he's the only person I've ever actually been afraid of. Not because he reminded me of anyone, just because of... him. What he was capable of.
[Even talking about Arzial, focusing on him too much, making Dodger's heart rate pick up. At some point he put out his cigarette, and he moves to light a new one.]
There's things that remind me of the man that raised me, or... my first girlfriend. I get stressed out when I'm hungry, too, but that's- easy to fix. Anything's better than starving.
[And he means anything.]
Nothing else fucked me up like Arzial. But I wouldn't have met him if I wasn't in a low spot first. There's always... something I could point to, no matter how far back you go.
[Jayce's eyes immediately go to the cigarette Dodger's about to light up, and considers telling him to stop. Technically, this isn't conductive to developing a healthy response of being able to talk about this guy without a habit to lean on, but for a first "session" he'll let it slide. Next time.]
I understand that. I’ve starved too.
[But he won’t elaborate right now. It’s not about him.
What Dodger describes is of course, so reminiscent of Zaun and what Zaunites must have also gone through. Chembarons and shimmer taking advantage of people in already desperate places that Piltover put them in. He thinks about how— if he had only had Silco arrested instead of Jinx, none of what happened, would have happened. If only he had accepted the snake’s head and found another way. Regrets he’ll never be able to walk back. The world’s changed, because of a deal he failed to make.
Jayce shakes his head, getting too lost in his own thoughts.]
Maybe you’ve already heard of this term, but what you’re describing aligns with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Anxiety, hypervigilance, your physical reactions, and the triggers.
[Dodger snaps his fingers to light their tips on fire, and waves them away once his cigarette is lit. All things considered, he figures it's the least intrusive habit he could be leaning on - he barely even notices he's doing this, he only ever puts off smoking when he's in the middle of sex.
And the temptation is certainly there, when conversations get difficult, to just initiate sex to get his mind off of it. But this is important, so he's behaving.]
PTSD. Sure, I've heard of it. Pretty much comes with the package of being born with powers like mine.
[He hasn't gotten many chances to tell Jayce about mutants in his world, and how they tend to be treated. But it is very much like living in Zaun, even if the classes aren't physically divided.
There's some hesitation before he speaks again. But if they're going to be talking about trauma, Jayce should know what he's dealing with.]
I was born on the streets, I didn't have a real bed until I was eight. I killed someone for the first time when I was twelve. I killed someone I didn't mean to for the first time at sixteen. And the shit that Arzial did to me lasted three years. I've had it... worse than most people, I think, but not far off. Mutants don't tend to live, they just survive as long as they can. And humans try not to pay too much attention to them.
[Jayce is doing his best to keep his expression neutral, as a professional should, but he can’t help it. There’s sympathy scrawled across his face as he listens to Dodger explain more.]
I’m sorry that happened to you. Life really didn’t give you a break.
[He’s reminded of Viktor, because of course he is. Jayce’s fingers itch to reach out and touch Dodger— even if it’s just a hand on the shoulder, or to give a hug. He’s always been one for physical contact.]
With PTSD, there’s no shortcuts on recovery. It’s about working through it, processing what you’ve been dealt. Did… talking like this feel like it’s helped at all?
[The sympathy is... uncomfortable. But it's becoming more familiar over time, every time he talks about this and gets comfort in return. He never really got that back home, and he's started to wonder why he never did when it seems so easy to come by here.
Months ago he would have brushed this off with you're not sorry, you're just uncomfortable. He's slowly starting to understand that people do, in fact, care about what he went through.]
Sure. It did something.
[He hesitates.]
We'd probably have to talk a lot more before it really started to do much. And I'm not sure you want to hear about everything I've seen and done. But it's a start.
[It's his base assumption, and it's been proven true fairly often, even here. People can handle the things that were done to him, but it's harder to accept the things Dodger has done. And he knows those are an important part of all this.]
I can hear more, but I wanted to make sure you weren’t feeling pressured to say more first. Diving into the deep end, reopening old wounds— not usually a good thing to start with. Perpetuates a cycle of feeling like you can’t talk about it when you don’t get the reaction you’re looking for right away. If we take baby steps, start from the beginning, and analyze as we go, it’ll feel more thorough, right?
[At least, that’s how he’d want this to go for himself, if he was the one being spoken to. But even Dodger’s being more receptive to this than maybe Jayce would be.]
I'm not gonna crumble from saying true facts about myself.
[A pause.]
There's some shit I can't talk about. Literally, I'd lock up if I tried. All this is just... yeah, baby steps. It's surface-level.
[Which, he's not sure how to feel about the fact that his 'surface level' made Jayce immediately clock how traumatized he is. But it feels a little better than Phainon guessing it just from the way he treats others and the way he fights.]
[More hesitation. Honestly, the question nearly makes him actually back out. It's far more private than anything else he's mentioned, and in his mind it's less relevant than anything with Arzial.
One of Dodger's hands clenches into a fist, briefly. But he forces himself to relax.]
Probably something with my mom. I never knew my dad, he left before I was born. But my mom used to... bring me around tent cities in the winter, help light fires and keep people warm. Didn't fix anything, not really, but it... made things easier, for a couple people.
[His voice gets soft when he talks about his mom. He barely ever mentions her, he'd rather keep everything about her inside of him than hear anyone's opinion about her. But he certainly doesn't want to seem like this is bothering him, or like he's too weak to handle talking about his own past, so he pushes past whatever reservations he normally has.]
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[It's a two-in-one deal. One, he gets to hear more about Dodger, and try to help him find a slightly healthier way to cope with his issues. Two, Viktor would be pleased with him for helping Dodger. Not that he doesn't want to do this on a personal level, but he also wants his good boy points.]
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fine, we'll do it your way.
see you then.
[Honestly, he would rather meet up sooner, but he figures there's a reason this has to wait. So he's just going to be antsy for the rest of the day, until it's time for them to meet up. The resort never seems to have quite enough to do to keep his thoughts quiet, but he'll manage.
The next day, when he shows up to one of the private rooms in the library, he's... mostly sober. As much as he can be, comfortably. He's still got alcohol in his system and he's pretty sure the heroin is non-negotiable, but he's not visibly drunk or high. He is, however, currently smoking when he teleports in.]
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[It's as much of a private spot one can get in a library setting. There's a decent couch, a few chairs, and a coffee table with a few books stacked on it already; notably, all ones on therapy. Jayce had been reading up as much as he could in a day, as well as putting together an outfit that didn't look like loungewear or gym clothes. As Dodger teleports in, Jayce gets to his feet (as is polite to do) and gestures to the couch.]
Thanks for actually showing up. Come sit down.
[He was half-convinced Dodger wouldn't.]
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At the same time, the reason he'd denied any suggestions about therapy back home was to avoid mandatory reporters. Something that couldn't matter less here. So even if he has some opinions about it, it's not enough to turn around and leave.]
I really wish people would stop trying to psychoanalyze me.
[But he sighs, and teleports again to sit on the couch.]
I don't make a habit of backing out of shit I sign up for. So, I'm here.
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[He takes a seat down in an armchair near the couch, hands folded on his lap.]
The goal is to make you feel better handling yourself in the future, in ways that are easier and healthier for you, that don’t involve shutting down, lashing out, or running away.
[Which he knows: easier said than done.]
So far, you've noted that you've managed to catch yourself just before you have those stronger reactions. That's a good start. Are you always able to stop yourself, or is this a recent thing?
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It's a new thing. Actually... the thing with Viktor wasn't the first time, but... there's only one other person I've been able to catch myself with. And he's here, too.
[Granted, there's people who can put him in his place themselves and people he doesn't feel any urge to lash out around. But those aren't the problem, in his mind.]
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And this other person upset you to the same degree Viktor did?
[He won't ask for a name, since the identity doesn't really matter... yet.]
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[Despite that, there's something in his tone that betrays this is someone who means a lot to him. Dodger is terrible at masking how much he cares about the people he's close to, and Esikko is maybe the only person he's closer to than Viktor here. He met them both on his first day here, after all.]
He makes me think of the same person sometimes. Arzial, the man with Viktor's powers. It's the same...
[His brow knits.]
...Thinking about someone getting inside my head, and changing shit, makes me see red.
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Written down in his notes: More affected by perceived breaches in trust by people he cares about.]
Does he do it on purpose, and does he have the capacity to do it supernaturally?
[Like Viktor does.]
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[He sinks back into the couch with a huff.]
This is important for context, but don't- tell anyone else about it. Including Viktor. [He's pretty sure that's how therapy works anyway but STILL.] He fucked with my best friend's memories. Months ago, before we showed up. I found out and... that's the last time I got close to hurting him. It pissed me off that he did it, and it pissed me off that he could've done it to me too. And I didn't clock it sooner.
[As if there's anything to clock. Still, he holds himself accountable for letting two people close now that share powers with the only person he's ever been truly afraid of.]
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You’re blaming yourself for something you had no control over. Even if he did do something to you, it’s not your fault if someone else hurts you.
[The words leave Jayce before he really has time to reflect on what he’s saying, and he bites the inside of his cheek when he really considers his own words.]
But it does put into perspective why you have strong reactions if you think you’re in danger of that happening again. The fear of that potential hurt overrides logic, and you’d rather overreact than underreact. Does that sound right?
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[At least he's consistent, since he also figures it's everyone else's fault if they don't stop Dodger himself from hurting them.
That second part gives him pause, and he has to chew on it for a while before he answers. He's chafing a little against the idea of being 'afraid', but it's.. accurate. Fear has a strangle-hold on him at the best of times.]
Sure. Sounds right. It's just not always...
[He hesitates.]
...Sometimes my body just takes over. Does whatever it needs to, to stay alive. Even if that means hurting someone, or killing them, or breaking shit to get it out of my way. And sometimes when I get pissed off, it feels like it's doing that. But... smaller, if that makes sense.
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Okay, here— what you’re describing is a “stress” or “trauma” response. There’s four categories— fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Usually, you’ll have more than just emotions like being pissed off that you’re combating, but physical reactions too. Do you find yourself sweating, tense, with an increased heart rate? Sometimes this can even combine with memory loss.
[If he’s right about that, then this is leading toward a pretty obvious conclusion: PTSD. But just analyzing what someone has and slapping down a diagnosis isn’t helpful. He’s got to get Dodger to come to the same conclusion as well.]
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Yes, he's definitely familiar with that. The way his body locks up when someone touches his ass or pins him onto his back, or too many people press around him in a crowd. The way he breaks into a sweat if he's in his room and hears something that sounds too much like his door opening.]
Sure. My powers act up with those, too. I used to teleport without meaning to, I still turn invisible if something spooks me. And my fire gets harder to control if I'm stressed, or... I guess you'd call it a 'fight' response.
[He doesn't have the words for it exactly, but his mutations are pretty much exaggerated stress responses. Fire to fight, teleportation to flee, invisibility to freeze. Each of those responses makes it easier to access his powers and, at the same time, much harder to control them.]
The memory thing's tricky, though. My memory's a crap shoot - sometimes I can't remember shit I just did, sometimes I've got more memories than I'm supposed to have.
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That last part— we’ll uh, come back to that one.
[He flips another page, and bites at the end of his pencil.]
The things that trigger your stress responses, does it always come back to Arzial?
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Not all of it. But... he's the only person I've ever actually been afraid of. Not because he reminded me of anyone, just because of... him. What he was capable of.
[Even talking about Arzial, focusing on him too much, making Dodger's heart rate pick up. At some point he put out his cigarette, and he moves to light a new one.]
There's things that remind me of the man that raised me, or... my first girlfriend. I get stressed out when I'm hungry, too, but that's- easy to fix. Anything's better than starving.
[And he means anything.]
Nothing else fucked me up like Arzial. But I wouldn't have met him if I wasn't in a low spot first. There's always... something I could point to, no matter how far back you go.
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I understand that. I’ve starved too.
[But he won’t elaborate right now. It’s not about him.
What Dodger describes is of course, so reminiscent of Zaun and what Zaunites must have also gone through. Chembarons and shimmer taking advantage of people in already desperate places that Piltover put them in. He thinks about how— if he had only had Silco arrested instead of Jinx, none of what happened, would have happened. If only he had accepted the snake’s head and found another way. Regrets he’ll never be able to walk back. The world’s changed, because of a deal he failed to make.
Jayce shakes his head, getting too lost in his own thoughts.]
Maybe you’ve already heard of this term, but what you’re describing aligns with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Anxiety, hypervigilance, your physical reactions, and the triggers.
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And the temptation is certainly there, when conversations get difficult, to just initiate sex to get his mind off of it. But this is important, so he's behaving.]
PTSD. Sure, I've heard of it. Pretty much comes with the package of being born with powers like mine.
[He hasn't gotten many chances to tell Jayce about mutants in his world, and how they tend to be treated. But it is very much like living in Zaun, even if the classes aren't physically divided.
There's some hesitation before he speaks again. But if they're going to be talking about trauma, Jayce should know what he's dealing with.]
I was born on the streets, I didn't have a real bed until I was eight. I killed someone for the first time when I was twelve. I killed someone I didn't mean to for the first time at sixteen. And the shit that Arzial did to me lasted three years. I've had it... worse than most people, I think, but not far off. Mutants don't tend to live, they just survive as long as they can. And humans try not to pay too much attention to them.
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I’m sorry that happened to you. Life really didn’t give you a break.
[He’s reminded of Viktor, because of course he is. Jayce’s fingers itch to reach out and touch Dodger— even if it’s just a hand on the shoulder, or to give a hug. He’s always been one for physical contact.]
With PTSD, there’s no shortcuts on recovery. It’s about working through it, processing what you’ve been dealt. Did… talking like this feel like it’s helped at all?
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Months ago he would have brushed this off with you're not sorry, you're just uncomfortable. He's slowly starting to understand that people do, in fact, care about what he went through.]
Sure. It did something.
[He hesitates.]
We'd probably have to talk a lot more before it really started to do much. And I'm not sure you want to hear about everything I've seen and done. But it's a start.
[It's his base assumption, and it's been proven true fairly often, even here. People can handle the things that were done to him, but it's harder to accept the things Dodger has done. And he knows those are an important part of all this.]
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[At least, that’s how he’d want this to go for himself, if he was the one being spoken to. But even Dodger’s being more receptive to this than maybe Jayce would be.]
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I'm not gonna crumble from saying true facts about myself.
[A pause.]
There's some shit I can't talk about. Literally, I'd lock up if I tried. All this is just... yeah, baby steps. It's surface-level.
[Which, he's not sure how to feel about the fact that his 'surface level' made Jayce immediately clock how traumatized he is. But it feels a little better than Phainon guessing it just from the way he treats others and the way he fights.]
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Jayce takes in a deep breath, and carefully exhales.]
Then if you're okay to keep going, let's keep going. What's your oldest memory?
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One of Dodger's hands clenches into a fist, briefly. But he forces himself to relax.]
Probably something with my mom. I never knew my dad, he left before I was born. But my mom used to... bring me around tent cities in the winter, help light fires and keep people warm. Didn't fix anything, not really, but it... made things easier, for a couple people.
[His voice gets soft when he talks about his mom. He barely ever mentions her, he'd rather keep everything about her inside of him than hear anyone's opinion about her. But he certainly doesn't want to seem like this is bothering him, or like he's too weak to handle talking about his own past, so he pushes past whatever reservations he normally has.]
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She sounds nice. Reminds me of my mom. Did you light the fires using your powers? Do you remember if it made you feel good to help?
[He hasn't thought about his own mom after arriving here. With a hard swallow he tries to keep subtle, he tries to put her out of his mind.]
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